2010, just another few hours more, is will ends..
a new year will come... 2011.
asking myself what had i done for the year of 2010...
i dont know or rather say i done nothing at all...
looking back to all the times that i had lost... will i ever gain it back..
welcoming 2011, shall had plan for this upcoming year... but what plan can i do or will i accomplish what i had plan for...i don't know...
i'm a person who do not know how to plan...
planning is just a word that i never follow...but for other ppl without planning they cant survive..
i'm easily get angry on things that does not follow the way i want it to be...
but sometimes after angry only will get to know other ppl way of doing things is the right way..
i dont have my own perception...
2011, is just like adding a year older to my age...
nth special that i can think of what to do for my future..
i dont know what to be and what to do....
just waiting for the time to pass it on... living as what i am now...
but do i satisfied with what i had already...is this is what i want...  i dont know
my mind is always blank...
ppl always ask, what you want to be in future??
do want to be a staff forever without any promotion..
do you want a higher salary...
dont you want to climb as high as you can be...
PROMOTION...is just to add up my stress and jobs...of course the good things of it i get higher salary..
is not that i cant do extra jobs...i can do more than that...but i cant handle the stress...useless stress given by the superior is the major problem with the higher ranking position..
climbing the stairs while we still can.... yes i agree but i'm too tire to climb up high with all the unecessary stress given by those unprofessional superior....
is not easy to climb alone...
2011, i cant think of things that i need to do or should i plan for....

Sleepless night

Yesterday, i was unable to sleep well again...
DREAMS....i did dream sth yesterday but i dont remember what is it anymore...
I KEEP ON AWAKE AT NIGHT...
i turn to left and right.. still could not get a good sleep..
i remember when i wake up in the middle of night i was actually sitting on my bed...
i can certainly say that i was asleep while sitting but only realised when i awake in daze...
WHY can't i get a good night sleep!!!
Am i so in stress...or i think too much that make me sleepless at night...
OH GOD!! PLEASE ALLOW ME TO HAVE A GOOD NIGHT SLEEP!!!...
is there anyway or anyone that can help me!!
i am very very very TIRED...

Dream of wanted to be bad

Yesterday nite, i dream about sth weird again.
I dream that i'm a top student in the sch and has always being a good girl..
but due to high expectation from everyone, i dislike the feeling being pressure upon, and wanted to change my self.
so from a good girl i wanted to be a bad girl....but somehow being bad there is a level ranking on how bad we are..
i was hoping i was in the most bad list, but i could not find my name at any level at all.. level 1 is the most bad person, the following level is the lesser bad person..
while i go through the level ranking list, when i come to level 5, dunno why i saw my staff, Jeyamala- whom cannot be trusted,  is at level 5...
i was angry to saw her at level 5, i was angry y she can be at level 5 but i'm not in any of the level.. am i not bad enough??
feeling angry, i walk back to the classroom, thinking y i was so angry of not being in the bad person list... since i'm not in the list, then i shall move on... so when i started wanted to be good again, while i listen to what the teacher is teaching... there is this 1 guy (dunno who he is), follow me back to my classroom sitting next to me and started to disturb me...he even kiss me on my cheeks in which he ended getting hit by me...
his disturbance and my  reaction somehow or rather seem invisible to the teacher...
while this person is disturbing me, i was scared that the teacher saw and might scold us but this teacher does not respond to anything that happen at the moment...
i was thinking is it because of this guy who happen to be seem like a gangster in which the teacher do not dare to say anything....
what happen in the dream seem very weird as if there is some meaning to be said..
but to be honest i quite like to be tease by this guy during the class...i do not know y...eventhough in dreams i know it does annoy me some but some part in my heart, i kind of like it....
at about 8.15am, my alarm rang....and i was awake from my dream...
and actually i was wishing to sleep back and to continue dream about this guy..hehe
is kind of cold in the morning, although still feeling sleepy, i need to get up for work ad....
when i think back of my dream, i was thinking does it trying to tell me not be a bad person...continue to be a good person even there is high expectation given by everyone to u...
there is no need of bother about what other ppl think...what really matters is how we think...
things are easy to say than done...